Divorce-Don’t Make The Mistakes I Made

Divorce is never easy and can be even more difficult for women over 50

The title of this post is “don’t make the mistakes I made” and if you take nothing else from my story please take this-pick the right lawyer for you. What I mean by that is just because they are referral from a friend, or they have several degrees on their wall and a nice luxurious office it does not mean they will represent you and your particular situation in the best way possible.

Do your research

If you are currently separated and preparing for a divorce my heart goes out to you; I know how difficult this time (perhaps even scary) for you can be. BUT it’s not the time to take someone else’s advice for picking a lawyer. This is the time to do your own research. Interview several lawyers find out how familiar they are with your local courts and the last time they went to court and the outcome. How many women have they worked with, even if they are a female lawyer, and how do they act toward you when asking these questions. Listen to your gut!

Mistakes I made:

My lawyer lived in the town I was currently living in but did not live where the court was. I spent a small fortune in travel fee’s.

Cut the conversation short. He was happy to chit chat and waste my time with irrelevant conversation about my son and family and then bill me in full. They are not your friends!

My gut said he was not a good guy just money hungry-but I did not listen. I thought that that would perhaps work in my favor. It didn’t, it only worked in his favor.

Another mistake, once I started with him I thought I should just stay with him. My advice to you is, switch lawyers if it does not feel right.

His practice covered many aspects of the law. This did not make him super knowledgeable as my gullible self believed-it made him a master of none.

Use your voice

I was in court years ago so this may not apply now. I remember sitting in court with my worthless lawyer and as my ex is speaking I am sending him notes to ask the judge about, but he ignored them. After the third time in court and many losses I finally had the chutzpa to ask the judge if I could speak. And you know what happened?! He let me speak, I stated what was on my note and poof the judge heard me and for the first time in months-I won. And that is why I am posting this if I can save one woman from going through what I went through then my story makes it all worth it

Side note:  Consider mediation, it can save you money and keep you out of court. I personally only advise this to couples that still get along and if you think your soon to be ex has your best interests in mind.

About this post. This is from my heart and is in no way meant to provide any legal advice. It is purely meant to be a reference to women like me that are too emotional while starting the process of divorce to make the right decisions. Please consult someone educated on the actions of divorces in your state before making any long term decisions.

You are not alone in this

“Past research published in The Journals of Gerontology found that more than 1 in 4 people getting divorced in the United States are over age 50, and over half of those divorces happen after 20 years of marriage. Pew Research data from 2017 found that the rate of divorce after age 50 nearly doubled from 1990 to 2015.”

Reference Articles:

4 Common Reasons Women Over 50 Are Getting Divorced

12 Mistakes to Avoid when Divorcing Over 50

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